Loss and Grieving

Today marks 3 months since an Ethiopian judge declared we were a family.

These days we are seeing a lot of this. 

And this...

Which is perhaps why last night was a harsh reminder of the reality of trauma. This sweet and brave boy is making huge strides with trust and learning to live in a family. However, last night as we laid down to go to sleep, the tears started. At first they were silent but they quickly grew to full blown sobs which told me this was about more than a little guy that didn't want to go to bed. I remembered reading in one of the many adoption books we have read about narrating your child's story and using pictures. So I pulled him into my arms and pulled up pictures on my phone. We talked about how Nati used to live at the orphanage with his friends and caretakers. I listened as he named them off one by one. We talked about the day mommy and daddy came to meet him. We talked about the guesthouse and our beloved driver Yoseph. We talked about the long plane ride home and meeting his siblings for the first time. We talked about new experiences since he has been here.

As I turned off the phone he looked up at me and said "Mommy, Daddy, Addie, Emme, McKinley, Benji, Nati, Betasaida.". And there in the broken English of a four year old was the answer to the tears. Nati is at war within himself. He loves being in our family and yet he undoubtedly longs for the familiar. 

After pacing and rocking and swaying and singing for over 2 hours this is how he went to sleep. 

Exhausted I went to bed after shedding my own tears. This morning I woke up and looked at the calendar only to realize the significance of the day. 3 months ago was one of the best days of my life. It was the culmination of months and months of fighting for Nati to be in our family. 3 months ago today was also the last day Nati spent in the place he had called home for years. It was the last day he was surrounded by his friends and caretakers. It was the last day he ate the same thing for meals each day and wore the same clothes. It was the last day that everyone around him spoke the same language. It was the last time for all those things and he probably didn't know it.

So while the change may have been for his good it still involved loss. 

Loss that he is still very much grieving.

It has been 3 months since life changed forever and the body remembers even when the mind forgets.