New Normal

Hey Friends,

It has been a few weeks since I updated you so I thought I would type up a quick post tonight. Things have been going well in our house over the past several weeks. Nati continues to adjust. learn and grow. We have had a couple appointments since our last update but other than that we have been mostly staying home. We did make an exception for an overnight trip to Branson that we had promised the girls earlier in the summer. All in one weekend Nati experienced his first fall festival, a day at SDC, swimming in a kiddie pool and outlet mall shopping. It was too much, way too much, and we were all exhausted for the next several days. 

First, I want to share our BIG praise. As many of you know we were very concerned about Nati having undiagnosed cardiac issues because of his Klippel-Feil diagnosis and some other factors in his history. This fear was compounded when we spoke to the ENT about how bad his sleep apnea is. Because we have no way to know how long he has been having these episodes it was impossible to tell how much heart and lung damage could have already been done. With this in mind we went to see a pediatric cardiologist on Friday. Nati had an Echo and an EKG done as well as a physical examination by the cardiologist. We have really good news to report!!! Not only is Nati's heart 100% anatomically correct but it is functioning at a really healthy level. PRAISE GOD!!! We are so thankful for this good news and will not even have to have any follow ups unless he presented with a cardiac issue in the future. 

Our visit to the ENT confirmed that Nati's tonsils were enlarged (in fact touching). They were so large that the doctor could not even see the adenoids so they will be removing them while they are in there just to be safe. The ENT is hopeful that this minor procedure will greatly improve Nati's breathing while sleeping and we are all very thankful for that. Even though it is a routine and minor procedure, because of risk factors, the doctor felt more comfortable doing the surgery in the hospital and keeping him overnight. Brandon and I felt better about that as well. So this Tuesday at 6 AM we will check in for Nati's first surgery. Please pray for no complications and as little discomfort as possible for little man. We are already stocking the fridge and freezer with jello, popsicles, Pediasure and a few easy things to swallow. Also, please pray that we will be able to nurture and connect after this procedure and that there would be no back slide in attachment progress.

Yesterday marked 7 weeks of having custody of Nati and today marks 5 weeks of being home. When I try to think of how to explain what our world likes like now it is hard for me to find the words. I know we are making progress with attachment, I know we are are finding our new routine/normal and I know that God is doing healing work in Nati's heart. I also know that there is still so much work to be done on attachment, I know that while I am learning so much about this precious boy each day there are still several times a week where I have no earthly idea what triggered him to tears, I know that he would still be perfectly content to go with anyone who would meet his need a second quicker than I am available. 

This is the "hard" I have longed to be doing for the last 2 years. Do not be mistaken, loving this boy is easy, but teaching him this kind of forever family love is hard. To a child who has had multiple caregivers over the 4 years of his life it is hard to understand one mommy forever. To a child that has had to fight his way through life it is hard to understand that he doesn't need to bite, hit, scratch to defend his stuff. To a child that has wondered if food/drink would be available, it is hard to understand that he will not go hungry even if he has to wait a few minutes for the food to heat, because what if the food isn't really there. To a child who has been left to soothe himself alone, it is hard to let mama be the comforter. 

So what are we doing with our days? We are trying so hard to teach Nati that mommy and daddy will be the ones to meet your needs, forever, no matter what. We are teaching Nati to actually play with toys instead of just gripping them so no one takes them away. We are trying to get that boy food and drink the second he asks for it and if it is going to take 30 seconds we try to hold him and reassure him that food is coming. We sit in the rocker and on the floor and walk a hundred laps around the same room holding Nati as he cries. Sometimes we know why and sometimes we don't but we let him know that we are a safe place to land. That it is ok to feel frustrated, scared, angry or sad in our arms. So we sing "Jesus Loves Me" for the hundredth time and we whisper in Amharic "Eshi" -it is ok and "Ewodihalehu"- I love you. 

Sometimes we even cry right along with him. 

So hear we are at week 7. I thought by week 8 we would be coming out of our cocoon a little and venturing out into the world. Honestly, now I am not so sure. We are busy doing hard, healing work for our boy and that includes keeping our world small for a little longer than expected. I miss all of you so much. I really miss fellowship with friends and worship with our church family. However, I know that ultimately this is what Nati needs right now. I know that when I am giving Nati his bottle, and playing trains on the floor and holding him as he grieves for things he doesn't even understand, I am worshiping. I know God is giving me his patience, grace and perseverance for the hard moments and days. I know that God will equip us with everything we need to parent Nati and our other four children. I know that he called us to do this and he will see us through even the difficult parts. It is such a privilege to get to show Nati what the unconditional love of  family looks like.

He is faithful. He is able. He is good. 

So, thank you from the bottom of our heart for all of your prayers, texts and encouragement. Here are a couple of specific ways to continue to pray for our family.

1.) Pray for Nati to continue to attach to us and to recognize that this is forever.

2.) Pray for our other four kids as they adjust to the new normal.

3.) Pray for us to continue to be able to establish a routine that works for our family. There is always an adjustment when you add an additional family member. We are getting there but still have some details to figure out.

4.) Pray for Nati's surgery this Tuesday. That he would have no reactions to anything and that his discomfort would be minimal. Prayers for peace for mom and dad would be great too. :)

5.) Pray for discernment for Brandon and I as we make some medical decisions for Nati in the next couple months.