He Loved First

Sorry, I am so late getting to the update. We have been without power for most of the day here in Addis. First, I want to thank all of you for praying for our family over the last 24 hours we have felt every single prayer in the form of supernatural strength. I just received a text from Brandon that he is safely in Toronto and getting ready to board his 2 hour flight to STL. He should get home around 9 pm and I know there are 4 kids anxiously awaiting his arrival.

As you know from our Facebook posts we had a relaxing weekend together as a family of three. We moved to a new guesthouse on Sunday morning and had dinner with dear friends who are also here to meet their son.  The weekend was absolutely perfect!!!

On Monday we knew we would have a busy day. The first thing that needed to happen was for Nati’s passport to be picked up (our agency rep was able to do this for us). We also had to notarize a couple of documents here at the US embassy before Brandon left. After finishing this task we had a couple of hours until going to Nati’s farewell ceremony at the orphanage. Our driver was able to take us shopping to get a few of the things off of our list. We were able to visit the Former Woodworkers Association to buy scarves. I told myself I was only going to get 4 but with Brandon’s permission I bought a fifth. I love the cause of this organization. They employee women that used to carry back breaking bundles of wood down the mountain for $1-$2 a day. They teach them how to make the thread and weave it into beautiful scarves. The second place I really wanted to visit was the Leprosy hospital. The name is deceiving because the hospital also treats people with HIV/AIDS. The items sold in their shop are made by the patients and are sold to help cover the cost of their care. I was so excited to get to go to both of these places.

After a couple of hours of shopping we stopped at a bakery to buy a cake to take to the farewell ceremony and then we headed to the orphanage. I asked our driver to translate to Nati that we were just going back for a visit to see his nannies and friends. However, when we walked through the gates of the orphanage he became inconsolable. He would not even look at any of his nannies and just clung to my neck. I almost lost it right then. I felt so sad that Nati has no understanding that this is forever and we are never taking him back. I felt sad for those that have cared for him for the last several years that had so quickly become second choice for him. I felt sad as I watched the older boys, boys that desperately want families of their own, cheer for and congratulate Nati on his new life. Out of all of my days in Ethiopia this was by far the most overwhelming emotionally for me.

After leaving the orphanage we had an hour long drive back to the guesthouse. This only left one hour for us to eat and Brandon to finish packing before heading to the airport. As he was packing Nati put his shoes on and tried to pack his things too. Even without the language barrier we could never explain to our boy that even though daddy is leaving for now it is not forever. When it came time for Brandon to go Nati cried even harder than before. I wrapped him up in his blanket, sat down with him on the bed and cried right along with him.

People told me it would be hard to stay in Ethiopia and they were right. However, not for the reasons you might be thinking. Yes, it can be inconvenient to be without power or water for most of the day. It can be frustrating to sit in traffic for hours or to wait for an hour past when your driver said he would be there. It can be hard for a non adventurous eater to learn to like the food. But those are not really the things that make being here so hard for me. The things that make it so hard to be here are things that cause me to confront my own indifference about the suffering of others. Having children that are starved for affection and love climbing your arms and holding around your waist to get any kind of attention. Trying to pour enough love into them to last and then leaving them knowing many of them will never receive a family. Watching people beg on the streets for what I would flippantly spend on a soda back home. Seeing people who are dying from things that there are treatments for but that they have no access to. Seeing people dig through trash just to survive another day.

And after I am done crying over the injustice of it all and mourning the brokenness of this world I just want to shout at all of you to WAKE UP!!!! Your brothers and sisters are dying here in Ethiopia from drinking muddied water, having lack of access to medical care and with bloated bellies from starvation. There are literally people wasting away here and we are carrying on like we don’t even care. People created in God’s image are dying from things we could prevent and we are wasting our time and our resources with meaningless things and debates. I don’t know how to go back to my life at home after what I have seen firsthand here in Ethiopia. I don’t know how to justify the life I live and the reality facing people here. I don’t know how to pretend that it is ok, because it isn’t.

I have had a love for the Ethiopian people for several years now and being here has only made me love them more. Their resiliency in spite of extremely difficult lives and loving culture continue to amaze me. This country is so beautiful and so are the people I have met while here. My son is truly blessed to be Ethiopian. He encompasses everything I love about the people here in one little 4 year old body. I hope he never loses that. I hope he keeps it forever.