I know it has been a while since we have updated this blog.
Honestly, there has not been much progress to report. I have been privately
journaling about our journey and cannot wait until the day I can share the
whole hard, messy, beautiful story with you all. The last four months have been
HARD emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We have watched dates come and go
that we thought would produce progress in this process. We have celebrated a
holiday all about thankfulness and wrestled with feeling ungrateful at times.
We have celebrated Christmas knowing our whole family was not here. I can't
even describe the ache of that knowledge. It is something we struggle with
everyday, feeling like even though our house is so full and loud and busy and
blessed it is not complete. I am not sure how to explain that with words it is
just something we feel. And here we are over a year into the journey and people
ask "Where we are in the process" and it will almost always make
tears spring to my eyes. Because it feels like we are in the exact same place
as we were this time last year. We are doing the home study paperwork again.
After that we will likely be updating our immigration information. Our
calendars look almost identical to this time last year. We are still waiting.
But to say we were in the exact same place would be a lie
from the Enemy. There have been tangible things happening to get us closer to
bringing our child home. Some things we know about and some things we don't. We
trust that God is always working even when we cannot see it. Even without those
tangible reminders of progress we know we are one year closer to the day when
God will finish what He started.
Our faith is certainly not the same.
This past year God has stretched our faith in ways we could have never
imagined. He has allowed us the privelege to wrestle with injustice and brokenness and has
allowed us to be broken in the process. He has taught us to trust in His
sovereignty more than our desires. He has taught us to be joyful and thankful
in ALL circumstances. He has taught us that Praising Him always reminds us of
His perfect character. He is teaching us to pray His will and what He wants, not
just what we want. He is teaching us to pray that above all our desires He
would bring glory to Himself through this story.
He is good. He is faithful. He
is able.
This past Sunday night in our discipleship class we studied
Mark 14: 32-36. In verses 33 and 34 we
see that Jesus is deeply distressed and His soul is overwhelmed. Any adoptive family
can relate to these feelings. But as I look at verse 36 I cannot even speak around
the lump in my throat. I can barely see the words for the tears in my eyes.
Abba. Father. Daddy.
A desperate plea for help when we realize we cannot handle
this on our own. When we realize that our souls are overwhelmed by the
brokenness of this world. The verse goes on to say "Everything is possible
for you. Take this cup from me.". How many times in this past year have I
prayed
"God, I know you can make this process move."
"I know you can do
anything you want."
"You can make anything happen."
"I don't want to wait anymore."
"I don't want
this hard part anymore."
"I want you to get the glory by intervening now."
"Why is
your justice delayed?"
But read just a little bit farther and you get to
the real heart of the passage.
"Yet not what I will, but what you
will."
The bending of our Saviors will. His willingness to be beaten,
battered and broken for us.
For this child we already love and pray for so
much.
He Loves Him More.
So why am I so afraid to trust his plan? His timing? His
will? Why am I ever afraid to pray not what I want, but what you want God.
So as we enter this season of Lent ,where we give up
something to gain more of Him. To be more like Him.
I give up
My heart. My rights. My will.
After all, that is what
this season is about. Remembering that He gave up all of those things for us.
